Today was the day. The day I thought social work was the wrong choice for my life. I spent the morning in court with sick disgusting offenders. I spent lunch talking to junior highers about dealing with things way beyond their years. I spent the afternoon in court watching families torn apart by selfishness. I spent the early evening on the phone with upset mothers dealing with stuff they should never have to deal with. At about 9pm I went on a walk and tried to process the day. It didn't happen.
The worlds problems are to much. The scars, pain, and sickness goes way to deep. Its affecting me. It makes me angry, frustrated, and hurt. It breaks my heart, shocks me, and theres nothing I can do to change it. Hearing this crap over and over is affecting me negatively. It hurts friendships, relationships, and me. I dwell on it and have to let it go.
So today it happened. I realized that through all of my passions. My love. And my wanting to change the world it wont happen. All the old, burnt out social workers are right... "You will learn you cant save the world soon" I hate to admit it but they were right. I cant do it. Social work its the worst and the best. It hurts and rewards. Its strengthens you and makes you weak. So today it happened...and it broke my heart... So what should I do?? Keep kicking butt fools! This social worker isnt burnt out YET! The CHAMP is here!
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9 comments:
Good for you. I've been at this social work lark for a few years but am far from burnt out. I don't try to change the whole world now though, just the world as it is for some people, in some ways and you know, sometimes, more than sometimes, that is enough. We can't do everything but we can change the harshness and injustices for some people at some times and you know, that's enough for me. As long as I don't stop caring and don't stop shouting when I see the things that I can change.
When you went on that walk, did yo notice but one set of footprints in the sand?
Good to see you posting again! I've been wondering where you've been! Sorry to hear that things have been rough. Do you have people in the field that you can talk to? I've found having some who understands the work to be priceless. I truly believe God has sent those people into my life to help remind me why I do this job. And don't forget to look for the 'little things' - a good session with a client, praise from a coworker, one family holding it together despite the circumstances - they are what keeps me going. And blog some more! You gotta get that stuff out!
I read this book "The irresistible revolution" by Shane Claiborn and he has a chapter where he went and worked in Calcutta with Mother Theresa and she told him " God does not expect you to be perfect [change the world], he expects you to be faithful." I thought that was pretty comforting. its a good book you should read it I have like 8 copies if you ever find the time for an old friend who falls asleep when you are around.
Through all of this, you never cease to amaze me.
Like I said before, your heart is so big it tries to take care of everyone. Remember it needs to take care of YOU first!!
Even if you never change another life, remember you have changed the life of one. (and she grows bigger everyday!!!) You are my Superhero!! Remember, to know the joys, you must also feel the pain.
Ron is very wise. Your walk only included one set of footprints. He is always there!! Trust in Him; you would not be in this profession if He didn't give you the strength.
HUGS from "your other Mom"
My comment to those who say, “You will learn you can’t save the world soon” – someone already came who saved this world :-)
As I sit here reading your blog and all the comments - you have so many people who are here for you when you hit a rough spot. Just remember: That we don’t always see the benefits of our labor, that there is one who can carry you through, and that if you ever need to vent just give a call.
P.S. Love ya
Meesa
I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to find your blog...but I think it's great that you've discovered you can't save the world. And you're right, this job is the best and the worst in the world. I love my job and usually face the day with the thought, "What one thing am I going to do today to help someone." And then, when I am able to do 2 or 3 things, I really feel like I have accomplished something.
The work you do does matter. http://www.helpothers.org/story.php?sid=19998 is a nice story you might enjoy.
Mike Stouffer
CNN WausauFamily
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