shut my mouth.

I was told numerous times... wait no I'd say hundreds, if not millions of times in my life to shut my mouth. I remember my mom used to puff her cheeks out in church to tell me to shut my mouth, my dad just cleared his throat, my brothers punched me or got their friends to punch me, my teachers scolded me (but knew I couldnt help it), my friends just got used to it, and my poor wife... I dunno what she thinks....

I know I still annoy people with my big mouth but first I dont really care because I have matured a little bit and I try to be careful what I say. I know my mouth still gets me in trouble when I dont completely think something through. It also has helped a few people along the way. Right before leaving KC CASA my mouth fought for the two lives of victims of the justice system. My big mouth screaming and yelling got me very little respect in the office in which I yelled but got the victims their day in court. My mouth built some strong friendships and tore others down. I know my mouth was given to me for a reason... believe it or not. God created someone who couldn't shut his mouth to help fight for those who cannot speak. My big mouth kicks me in the butt sometimes and other times it has been used to help change a life with the help of a higher power to give me the words to say.

Don't waste your mouth/voice/passion/heart. Not everyone got a big mouth like me and others but you did get something to speak up for others. You might be the only voice someone ever hears, you might be the on the touch they can feel, and the only passion they can see.

Dont waste it.

perfect match

If you don't know the story of my beautiful goddaughter its on this blog somewhere...

Laura and I took JJ (goddaughter mother)on a date with us when we first started dating back in the day. I really wanted my life partner to have the same passions I did. JJ is one of those passions and Laura has seen why I love that girl so much. JJ starts ISU in two weeks and will be living in family housing with her beautiful daughter. She has family support but as far a money goes there is not much there... JJ was out of school for 2 months her junior year to have a baby and STILL graduated 13 in her class of over 500. Amazing! She deserves a fresh start at school and the opportunity to get a degree for herself and Serae. Laura and I want to see her do well and have made a comittment to help her get through the next few crucial monthsof being a freshman at college. And it truly has been great experience as a young couple! if you are interested in helping with groceries, books, furniture, anything... get me on here or fbook and we can chat! :)



livin the dream.

bringin home the bacon...

... is not something I do. As a social worker bringing home anything except a heavy heart is rare. Today at work a co worker was saying she makes more in mileage then she does in actual pay! I found it amusing because if I know mileage is available I am the first to volunteer to drive! :)

Seriously though, what do we as social workers bring home. I used to bring home a bad attitude about stupid people that liked to boss me around and accuse me of "wanting to save the world". I brought home free stuff donated by the local superstore. I should have left it there because if Wal-Mart doesn't want it... neither do you! I brought home stories, depressing news, and a lack of faith in society.

I guess its more important to ask what do I bring to my clients. Before I enjoyed just bringing a smile. A non-judgemental look. Good news about court. Now I get to bring toys, trips to Incredible Pizza (Laura doesn't like this place because she worked on a patient who got shot next door- fun sponge) I get to bring them on trips to see their parents! I get to bring my iphone 4... kids get pretty excited about the new racing game I downloaded! I bring a fresh face of hope and wishes!

Overall we can ALL bring something to work... It could be as simple as a smile!

What do you bring home from work? And what do you bring to it?

opportunities.

So I've jumped right into my new job working with kids in foster care. Today I was informed of the seat belt regulations and how much a kid needs to weigh before he/she can ride without a car seat... so needless to say I was cruising down the road with a booster in the back seat. As I drove I thought again how great my jobs have been to work with kids who need good role models. I had never had a booster seat in the back... normally I am handing out belts to saggy jeans, blaring music I don't necessarily enjoy, or trying to hide my pack of gum from the pack of wolves jammed in my car.

Today I felt a new sense of responsibility... a five year old. I thought about how amazed I was to be doing this job and how bad I felt for a five year old to be taken from his/her home. I thought of all the things I worry about as an adult don't even touch the surface of being taken from your parents, siblings, and home. Here I am. Raised by amazing parents, taught in great schools, and educated by loving teachers, friends, and co-workers. Now I have the opportunity to help him in his life. WOW.

We chatted about the weather. He named my car the Silver Sponge because if I keep it clean I could sell it for 100 45 60 9 thousand dollars. He told a co-worker, after burping in her face, that he heard that when a boy burps in a girls face that means he likes her. Then he said... see you Tuesday!

I love my job.

humbled.

Over the past several years I have had the honor to serve in Kankakee IL as a social worker, advocate, mentor, tutor and friend to many. My recent marriage to Laura E. Baldauff-Hoots lead me to Indianapolis. I had a job, then I didnt, so I went and found another than the first job wanted to talk about a job again. Needless to say I spent the last month unemployed and humbled.

Success in my life has been measured by clients, mentor kids, friends, and networking. If I judged success so far in Indianapolis by how I judged it in Kankakee County I would consider myself a failure! I finally realized why I needed a month off... I needed to see, again, that I cannot save lives, I cannot change paths, I cannot force my wishes on others. ONLY the individuals I work with can do make changes and I have the HONOR to help them with whatever they need through their healing process and battles!!

I sat on a lounge chair, couch, and golf cart for the last month and realized I needed to save myself... I was burnt to a crisp. Don't get me wrong... I am not complaining, but realizing how much of myself I put into my "work" aka life. The other SW peeps out there completely know what I am getting at, we are beautiful, strong, amazing, and caring people. We will never get the credit we are due for how much we care, BUT that doesn't bother us. We love what we do and the people whose lives we come in contact with are changed by what we do. I knew I had the privilege to help people, but forgot to help myself. My soul was broken, hurt, and more passionate than ever. My mind was tired, running, and fearful. My will to change the world was stronger than ever but my faith in the goodness (word?) of the world was non existent.

So the last month was a free break... something I would have never wanted but a high power knew I needed it! I start work on Monday and I am pumped. I am excited for the opportunity to work with children and develop more friendships in Indiana.


So I say all of this, to remind myself and the other people workers out there.... its ok to chill, its ok to take a break, but you better come back because we need you!

My white horse is in the stable....

... right where it belongs!

So I went to a sexual assault conference and they spent several sessions on giving tips how to engage men in the fight against violence against women. As a man who has joined the movement to fight against gender violence there is something that happens that bothers me. As a man... I do half the work and get twice the glory. I give a valiant speech and get so much praise. I stand around at events and find myself being acknowledged for just being a guy.. and being there! In this fight I refuse to stand on the sidelines but also refused to be acknowledged any more for just being a male. Yes its an honor to be involved but more than an honor its my duty. Its my passion. Its only right!! Any man who sits back and just watches as this movement walks by is one of the offenders himself! I was always taught... Silence is approval.. and since I DONT approve of rape I wont be sitting down. Since I DONT approve of sexual violence I wont be chillin' out saying "Im staying out of it" Since I DONT approve of oppression against women you wont find me thinking I am any more than anyone else! There is no phrase that is more true... "There is no doubt our society has some form of contempt and hatred for women and children. There is no way we could treat and condone the how women and children are treated in our society and not have some form of hatred for them."- Robert Jensen

Famous femanist Andrea Dwrokin said this.. "Men who want to support women in our struggle for freedom and justice should understand that it is not terrifically important to us that they learn to cry; it is important to us that they stop the crimes of violence against us."

So as I see this awful control and violence in our society it wont be my job to cry or be sad or walk in a pair of high heels and have some laughs. It will be my job fight. Fight the selfishness of sick, twisted, controlling men. My job to stand up against the oppression of women and stand up say something.

So if your man enough join the fight to be HUMAN. Its no longer about gender its about equality! And for the women who fight everyday for equality. I commend you. I stand with you. And support you. Someday it WILL end.

I love blogging.

it happened today.

Today was the day. The day I thought social work was the wrong choice for my life. I spent the morning in court with sick disgusting offenders. I spent lunch talking to junior highers about dealing with things way beyond their years. I spent the afternoon in court watching families torn apart by selfishness. I spent the early evening on the phone with upset mothers dealing with stuff they should never have to deal with. At about 9pm I went on a walk and tried to process the day. It didn't happen.

The worlds problems are to much. The scars, pain, and sickness goes way to deep. Its affecting me. It makes me angry, frustrated, and hurt. It breaks my heart, shocks me, and theres nothing I can do to change it. Hearing this crap over and over is affecting me negatively. It hurts friendships, relationships, and me. I dwell on it and have to let it go.

So today it happened. I realized that through all of my passions. My love. And my wanting to change the world it wont happen. All the old, burnt out social workers are right... "You will learn you cant save the world soon" I hate to admit it but they were right. I cant do it. Social work its the worst and the best. It hurts and rewards. Its strengthens you and makes you weak. So today it happened...and it broke my heart... So what should I do?? Keep kicking butt fools! This social worker isnt burnt out YET! The CHAMP is here!