Daily Life of A Young Social Worker!

When you think you know it all ... Try again!

2011-10-08T18:26:00.000-07:00

You look at us and you don't understand us even though you were once us. We cut ourselves more than you think, we think about suicide more than you know, and labeling us angry is more convenient to you than it is an accurate assessment of who we are and why we do what we do. We have sex before we’re ready, we fight too often, we disrupt classrooms because we doubt our own intelligence, we make excuses more than we work hard, we’ll use your pity to our advantage, we abuse alcohol and drugs, and we’re falling behind at school. We put on shows of confidence and conviction, and you wonder how it is that we don’t make better decisions. We find ways to both disappoint you and inspire you, and just when you think we’ve outgrown bad habits or juvenile ways, we sneak in another mistake and make a decision that to anyone other than ourselves seems completely irrational.
   We’re a beautiful collection of ignorance and insight that confounds parents, psychologists, sociologists, and teachers alike...and what’s even more fascinating is that we confound ourselves even more than we do you. It’s not that we do any of what we do because of some master plan. It’s simply that from moment to moment, an emotion, a craving, or a need drives a particular behavior. We are the beautiful who feel ugly, the thin who feel fat, the bullies who are afraid, the intelligent who feel inadequate, the popular who feel alone, the black who feel too dark, the white who feel too pale, the defiant who feel powerless, the achievers who feel lost, the artistic who feel crazy, the promiscuous who feel unloved, the risky who feel overwhelmed, and we are the ones who smile and scream and laugh and yell...yet feel invisible. We wish these weren’t many of our truths, and we know you’d much rather read of our achievements and happiness…but we just can’t afford to have you kept in the dark anymore about how we’re hurting and what we need.
   We’re asking for more humility. We’re demanding more listening and less lecturing. We’re asking for more transparency and less pity, and we’re begging that you find thoughtful, empowering ways to hold us accountable for the damage we are causing to ourselves and to others. We ask that you try harder to make your efforts with us about us, and not your own needs to feel intelligent, wise, powerful, or in charge. We ask that you care less about avoiding looking foolish and more about role-modeling real confidence. Give us consequences if we earn them and don’t give in to our guilt provoking tactics. Your lower expectations of us are crushing our spirits and work ethic, and they’re keeping us from developing the fortitude we need to push through the inevitable hardships and challenges that come with being human. We need to feel your faith in us that we can push beyond our traumas, and we need you to partner with us more than you try to fix us. We’re asking that you help us cultivate grace, so that we no longer feel the urges to run from our feelings, or numb them with substances and activities that can diminish our futures.
   We need you to sit with us, and show us that we can learn to live with, and appreciate, all the countless emotions that give life texture. Help us look at our demons and scars, but do not allow us to spend so much time with them that we begin to use them as crutches and excuses. Make assumptions about why we do what we do to show us you are trying to see us. Tell us directly that you are making an assumption, but be sure to listen to us if we tell you that you are off target, and then get back to partnering with us to try to figure it all out.
   They say no two snowflakes are the same, and though there are and have been many “experts” who claim to have discovered “the roots of our behavior” and have made money off of “strategies, interventions, theories, and techniques” that claim to “fix us kids,” the reality of snowflakes remains the only undeniable truth. No two of us are the same, and as such, it’s going to come down to you, with your undeniably unique texture, having to find the way to partner with us, with our irrefutably distinct flavor. We know that you will make decisions and assertions that you feel are in our best interest, and some of these impositions we will learn from and embrace, while others we will reject and throw back in your face. Just know that your best chance at keeping us safe and yourselves sane is to be authentic, to admit that you don’t know anything for certain, and to try your best to not act from the fears that drive your closed minded, judgmental, reactive, and demanding ways...and when our imperfect storms settle and there’s a quiet moment, be as human, humble, and textured as you are, and show us what quiet presence and genuine care looks like by simply listening to us.
   So when, not if, we are frustrating you, confusing you, and breaking your hearts, please, above all else, don’t ever stop trying to be our heroes.
Written by:

Seth Rockman, LMSW, is a licensed social worker and has been working with at-risk youth and families for more than 16 years. He has worked in inner-city high schools, suspension centers, and intermediate schools, after-school programs, transitional residences, residential facilities, and emergency shelters. He has provided individual counseling, group counseling, crisis management, and case management services to youth ranging from age six months to 21 years old. He has supported and empowered every demographic

know why I'm here.

2011-10-07T19:53:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a week! Its been a great week. Tons of progress, meeting new people, and challenging myself. Im in a school full time which has been a dream of mine for a long time. The staff is great. So many are so dedicated and really want to do anything to improve the life of their students. In conversation, I am able to see where the hearts of some of these teachers are. They inspire me to work harder for the kids they work so hard to teach. One thing that popped up to me today is life is so much about relationships. I pulled out one of the few quotes I have held onto from a legalistic preacher I heard summer after summer.... Rules without relationship equals reprobate. As stupid as it sounds I found that its very true. Before I ever try to work with a childs behaviors I go for the jugular, their friendship. I do silly to earn the trust of a child who has been hurt, beat up, stepped on and lied to. I go for a lot of BIG motions. Loud claps, extra extra praise and the classic touchdown arms signal. If that doesnt work... I bust out the secret handshake trick. I am running out of different styles, but it works. It all goes back to relationship. I got one of the biggest compliments from a co-worker this week who took the time to shadow me to start to better understand our job. As she was leaving she said, I get it, you are involved in every aspect of these kids life and it works. WOWZERS! So much fun too! Ive been blessed to be thrown into a school that accepted me. I hear Mr. Hoots, mr hoots, mr hoots and its makes it all worth it.

One last thing, try this. I was walking the lines looking to help the boys remember to tuck in shirts so they dont get in trouble. I hear "mr hoots! why didnt you play football this morning" before I could respond a girl who talks before she thinks (sound familiar?) says "because hes so GAAAY!" oooooo. all the kids in the immediate area.

Option 1. Call her out. Embarrass her in front of her classmates and ruin the opportunity to build a what??? relationship.

Option 2. Pawn her off on a teacher and move on with my day.

Option 3. I say. Come with me. We go to the back of the line and chat about my choices in life our my choices. I explain to her I am married, happily. I encourage her to find the a different "insult" because using the term "gay" is becoming less accepted in this world, which I am a fan of, incase you wondered. We begin to walk far behind the line and we chat about consequences that could come from calling any other adult in the building GAY. I can see she is regretting the joke already and I say. Its ok. next time you have got to make a better choice, and we knuck it up.

Later. I hear Mr Hoots. MR HOOOOTS. You da best! From that same girl who could have been trash talking me if I chose option 1 or 2. ah. relationships.

For me

2011-09-29T20:49:00.000-07:00

This post is for me to process a day of ups and downs. I was on the phone while sitting next to my newest kid. I was on the phone saving the past while the future was dying for my attention next to me. It's tough to let go of investments. You put so much time and effort into ones you love and you see potential in and when it doesn't works it's always a tough pill to swallow. I kinda poured the afternoon because I felt like one slipped away from by his own choices. I got stopped by a friend who said... " I want you to know what your doing for so and so is gonna save his life" whoa. Kick me in the pouty lip. Here I am... Holding onto someone who can't even save themselves when the my next project sits in front of me. A teach later stopped me and said she has a girl she's worked with who needed to talk with someone. She said she wants her to speak with me... Because I'm real. And I will meet her on the level she's on. Whoa! I'm just in awe... I'm so so blessed to go to work and have the smallest of impacts on the world around me. Stop. Give. Love.

I can't understand

2010-11-14T18:41:00.000-08:00

I was recently talking to a family member about some of the things we see as social workers. One of the dynamics I observe a lot of are relationships and how powerful some can be. I remember talking to a young girl who was abused by her father throughout her life. I was describing some of the charges against her father and his reaction. Much to my surprise she started crying even weeping. She said something I will never forget... "Eric no matter how bad he hurt me he will always be my dad"

It hit me like a truck. How can a bond be so strong after such injustice? How can love go so deep with out a real relationship? I continued to be amazed by the the power parents have over their children and how often that power can be abused and misused. To see a son who has been hurt and disappointed by his mom over and over continue to want to please her although she makes no attempt to help him. To see a daughter believe in every word her dad says even when it goes against what is right. To see a parent deny any wrong doing to the face of their flesh and blood even sending their children into police stations and court to further the abuse is just sad!

I'm not a parent but seeing the power of these relationships reminds me of what a huge responsibility it will be! Just remember... your kids watch your every move and trust you until you break it.

Final thought. I had a parent complain... "How can I have this kid (me) tell me how to parent when he has no kids, he's arrogant." Another parent said, "Eric have you ever seen super nanny? Your job reminds me of that because you help people learn how to be a family who have never learned" I guess my job can only be successful depending on what the family wants to gain from their experience. It sure is nice when we all work together! :)

Livin the dream.

acceptance.

2010-10-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

Its kinda weird and human nature that we always look for acceptance from others.

This something I definitely see myself doing as a social worker. "Im thinking... lady, I am here to help you. I'm on your side. I support you. Dude, Im backing you up on this." Sometimes I feel like we put ourselves out there all day. We keep our phones on way past 40 hours. Our thoughts mostly revolve around the next technique we can use to get through to one of our kids. We attempt to sit quietly while people rip into us blaming us for all the things we have done to ruin their lives. And it bugs me... I dont know about you.

Now I have heard the whole, "Gotta get tougher skin" "Dont show your emotions" "Leave it at work" but honestly I dont want any of those things. I understand we get jaded in each one of our professions but I dont ever feel the pressure to give up. It's kinda weird because I am doing exactly what I always wanted to do and I dont want to waste a minute being jaded. Doesn't mean I dont get frustrated or upset with the ignorance and stupidity of people who only consider themselves especially when they have children who hang in the balance, but I still find myself putting my self out there and pleading with them to let me help, let others help, listen to family.

Moral of the blog. Don't give up, the next one might be the one who needs you.

society of stereotypes

2010-09-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

drawing the line

2010-08-31T05:13:00.001-07:00

"If you love what you do, you will never work a day in your life"

When it comes to clients and social work I have yet to learn where to draw the line between home life and "work". If I knew my family would be supported I would do this work for free. I have such a deep passion for people. I'd do anything for the people I work with and I believe they know that. I surrounded myself in Kankakee with clients and their families. I want them to know they can trust in someone after losing all trust in the world. I want them to know my phone is always on and they can always call. I want them to know that God made me to work with them and I plan to do it with all my heart.

I was talking to my mentor kid last night who I developed a very close relationship with. We were talking about good times we had over the years like brothers. It reminded me of the times I laid awake at night wondering if he was safe. I thought about how hurt I was for him when his mom died while he was in jail. I remembered the countless dollar bills and piles of change I gave him out of my pockets. I just remembered why I just love my job. Because of kids like this who I have been so lucky to meet and be a part of their lives that keeps me going.

Through all of this I want my beautiful significant other to know that I love her too. Granted she knew what she was getting when we married. An un-medicated ADHD social work with passions bigger than any budget. She cried with me when I was hurting for my clients. She was excited with me when we got guilty verdicts. She stuck by me when I almost went crazy after being unemployed for a month. I have the same undying love and passion for her....

A executive director once told me... "Someday you will realize you can't save the world"

Well I haven't realized it yet. and I won't! I am not dumb. I know some in the world do not want to change and if I focus on them then yes... I cannot save the world. But there are lost souls out there who need to see someone who really cares about them and I can think of 30 BSW students I graduated with a few years ago who care....

Start the movement. Give a little. Change a life.

shut my mouth.

2010-08-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

I was told numerous times... wait no I'd say hundreds, if not millions of times in my life to shut my mouth. I remember my mom used to puff her cheeks out in church to tell me to shut my mouth, my dad just cleared his throat, my brothers punched me or got their friends to punch me, my teachers scolded me (but knew I couldnt help it), my friends just got used to it, and my poor wife... I dunno what she thinks....

I know I still annoy people with my big mouth but first I dont really care because I have matured a little bit and I try to be careful what I say. I know my mouth still gets me in trouble when I dont completely think something through. It also has helped a few people along the way. Right before leaving KC CASA my mouth fought for the two lives of victims of the justice system. My big mouth screaming and yelling got me very little respect in the office in which I yelled but got the victims their day in court. My mouth built some strong friendships and tore others down. I know my mouth was given to me for a reason... believe it or not. God created someone who couldn't shut his mouth to help fight for those who cannot speak. My big mouth kicks me in the butt sometimes and other times it has been used to help change a life with the help of a higher power to give me the words to say.

Don't waste your mouth/voice/passion/heart. Not everyone got a big mouth like me and others but you did get something to speak up for others. You might be the only voice someone ever hears, you might be the on the touch they can feel, and the only passion they can see.

Dont waste it.

perfect match

2010-08-01T19:25:00.000-07:00

If you don't know the story of my beautiful goddaughter its on this blog somewhere...

Laura and I took JJ (goddaughter mother)on a date with us when we first started dating back in the day. I really wanted my life partner to have the same passions I did. JJ is one of those passions and Laura has seen why I love that girl so much. JJ starts ISU in two weeks and will be living in family housing with her beautiful daughter. She has family support but as far a money goes there is not much there... JJ was out of school for 2 months her junior year to have a baby and STILL graduated 13 in her class of over 500. Amazing! She deserves a fresh start at school and the opportunity to get a degree for herself and Serae. Laura and I want to see her do well and have made a comittment to help her get through the next few crucial monthsof being a freshman at college. And it truly has been great experience as a young couple! if you are interested in helping with groceries, books, furniture, anything... get me on here or fbook and we can chat! :)

livin the dream.

bringin home the bacon...

2010-07-26T14:19:00.001-07:00

... is not something I do. As a social worker bringing home anything except a heavy heart is rare. Today at work a co worker was saying she makes more in mileage then she does in actual pay! I found it amusing because if I know mileage is available I am the first to volunteer to drive! :)

Seriously though, what do we as social workers bring home. I used to bring home a bad attitude about stupid people that liked to boss me around and accuse me of "wanting to save the world". I brought home free stuff donated by the local superstore. I should have left it there because if Wal-Mart doesn't want it... neither do you! I brought home stories, depressing news, and a lack of faith in society.

I guess its more important to ask what do I bring to my clients. Before I enjoyed just bringing a smile. A non-judgemental look. Good news about court. Now I get to bring toys, trips to Incredible Pizza (Laura doesn't like this place because she worked on a patient who got shot next door- fun sponge) I get to bring them on trips to see their parents! I get to bring my iphone 4... kids get pretty excited about the new racing game I downloaded! I bring a fresh face of hope and wishes!

Overall we can ALL bring something to work... It could be as simple as a smile!

What do you bring home from work? And what do you bring to it?

opportunities.

2010-07-21T17:31:00.000-07:00

So I've jumped right into my new job working with kids in foster care. Today I was informed of the seat belt regulations and how much a kid needs to weigh before he/she can ride without a car seat... so needless to say I was cruising down the road with a booster in the back seat. As I drove I thought again how great my jobs have been to work with kids who need good role models. I had never had a booster seat in the back... normally I am handing out belts to saggy jeans, blaring music I don't necessarily enjoy, or trying to hide my pack of gum from the pack of wolves jammed in my car.

Today I felt a new sense of responsibility... a five year old. I thought about how amazed I was to be doing this job and how bad I felt for a five year old to be taken from his/her home. I thought of all the things I worry about as an adult don't even touch the surface of being taken from your parents, siblings, and home. Here I am. Raised by amazing parents, taught in great schools, and educated by loving teachers, friends, and co-workers. Now I have the opportunity to help him in his life. WOW.

We chatted about the weather. He named my car the Silver Sponge because if I keep it clean I could sell it for 100 45 60 9 thousand dollars. He told a co-worker, after burping in her face, that he heard that when a boy burps in a girls face that means he likes her. Then he said... see you Tuesday!

I love my job.

humbled.

2010-07-15T07:38:00.000-07:00

Over the past several years I have had the honor to serve in Kankakee IL as a social worker, advocate, mentor, tutor and friend to many. My recent marriage to Laura E. Baldauff-Hoots lead me to Indianapolis. I had a job, then I didnt, so I went and found another than the first job wanted to talk about a job again. Needless to say I spent the last month unemployed and humbled.

Success in my life has been measured by clients, mentor kids, friends, and networking. If I judged success so far in Indianapolis by how I judged it in Kankakee County I would consider myself a failure! I finally realized why I needed a month off... I needed to see, again, that I cannot save lives, I cannot change paths, I cannot force my wishes on others. ONLY the individuals I work with can do make changes and I have the HONOR to help them with whatever they need through their healing process and battles!!

I sat on a lounge chair, couch, and golf cart for the last month and realized I needed to save myself... I was burnt to a crisp. Don't get me wrong... I am not complaining, but realizing how much of myself I put into my "work" aka life. The other SW peeps out there completely know what I am getting at, we are beautiful, strong, amazing, and caring people. We will never get the credit we are due for how much we care, BUT that doesn't bother us. We love what we do and the people whose lives we come in contact with are changed by what we do. I knew I had the privilege to help people, but forgot to help myself. My soul was broken, hurt, and more passionate than ever. My mind was tired, running, and fearful. My will to change the world was stronger than ever but my faith in the goodness (word?) of the world was non existent.

So the last month was a free break... something I would have never wanted but a high power knew I needed it! I start work on Monday and I am pumped. I am excited for the opportunity to work with children and develop more friendships in Indiana.

So I say all of this, to remind myself and the other people workers out there.... its ok to chill, its ok to take a break, but you better come back because we need you!

My white horse is in the stable....

2009-04-12T17:44:00.001-07:00

... right where it belongs!

So I went to a sexual assault conference and they spent several sessions on giving tips how to engage men in the fight against violence against women. As a man who has joined the movement to fight against gender violence there is something that happens that bothers me. As a man... I do half the work and get twice the glory. I give a valiant speech and get so much praise. I stand around at events and find myself being acknowledged for just being a guy.. and being there! In this fight I refuse to stand on the sidelines but also refused to be acknowledged any more for just being a male. Yes its an honor to be involved but more than an honor its my duty. Its my passion. Its only right!! Any man who sits back and just watches as this movement walks by is one of the offenders himself! I was always taught... Silence is approval.. and since I DONT approve of rape I wont be sitting down. Since I DONT approve of sexual violence I wont be chillin' out saying "Im staying out of it" Since I DONT approve of oppression against women you wont find me thinking I am any more than anyone else! There is no phrase that is more true... "There is no doubt our society has some form of contempt and hatred for women and children. There is no way we could treat and condone the how women and children are treated in our society and not have some form of hatred for them."- Robert Jensen

Famous femanist Andrea Dwrokin said this.. "Men who want to support women in our struggle for freedom and justice should understand that it is not terrifically important to us that they learn to cry; it is important to us that they stop the crimes of violence against us."

So as I see this awful control and violence in our society it wont be my job to cry or be sad or walk in a pair of high heels and have some laughs. It will be my job fight. Fight the selfishness of sick, twisted, controlling men. My job to stand up against the oppression of women and stand up say something.

So if your man enough join the fight to be HUMAN. Its no longer about gender its about equality! And for the women who fight everyday for equality. I commend you. I stand with you. And support you. Someday it WILL end.

I love blogging.

it happened today.

2009-04-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today was the day. The day I thought social work was the wrong choice for my life. I spent the morning in court with sick disgusting offenders. I spent lunch talking to junior highers about dealing with things way beyond their years. I spent the afternoon in court watching families torn apart by selfishness. I spent the early evening on the phone with upset mothers dealing with stuff they should never have to deal with. At about 9pm I went on a walk and tried to process the day. It didn't happen.

The worlds problems are to much. The scars, pain, and sickness goes way to deep. Its affecting me. It makes me angry, frustrated, and hurt. It breaks my heart, shocks me, and theres nothing I can do to change it. Hearing this crap over and over is affecting me negatively. It hurts friendships, relationships, and me. I dwell on it and have to let it go.

So today it happened. I realized that through all of my passions. My love. And my wanting to change the world it wont happen. All the old, burnt out social workers are right... "You will learn you cant save the world soon" I hate to admit it but they were right. I cant do it. Social work its the worst and the best. It hurts and rewards. Its strengthens you and makes you weak. So today it happened...and it broke my heart... So what should I do?? Keep kicking butt fools! This social worker isnt burnt out YET! The CHAMP is here!

Crossroads.

2009-01-22T19:43:00.000-08:00

I sit in court on a daily basis and see hundreds of people who are charged with crimes anywhere from battery to murder, robbery to drug charges. It makes me think of the different crossroads in our lives. I was at a crossroad when I graduated... What to do with my life, where to go next... I look at these people who stand in front of the judge and take a plea agreement for 5 years in DOC and I cant help but wonder what these people are thinking, most have family members sitting in the back broken hearted. Most have done something stupid and regret it I am sure but so many are repeat offenders. They have a previous record have committed crimes while out on bond. I just look at them and wonder when they reach that crossroad what they do. Some head down the same path. They get out of jail the stand at the fork in the road.... They can be successful or find themselves back in court in just months or years. I guess I say all this to be so thankful for the guidance given to me at those crossroads. After high school I was pushed into college after college I was encouraged to get a job and be successful. I cant say thank you enough for the people who support me in all of my endeavors and I can honestly say I owe any success I have to the people who have supported and backed me.

So I say to those at the crossroads and making a huge decision.. you know the right way to go... just go... and never look back!

Celebrity...

2009-01-18T11:51:00.000-08:00

Bush... lets face it... hes not the smartest guy in the world. He didnt surround himself with the brightest of advisers either. Its over on Tuesday and some will put their hope in another human who will let us down. Hes young, black... kinda, a celebrity, a leader, and the hope of the 'world'. I am not buying it. I have been watching this inauguration continuous coverage where they talk about the same thing for hours and hours. I find myself getting a little worried.. I feel as if our country is going to be extremely disappointed. Millions have put every ounce of trust into a young guy who speaks of change... he honestly hasnt changed much. He hasnt sat in his Senate seat in over two years. When he was in his seat he rarely if ever voted for anything significant. Obama is a celebrity. He is chummy with Hollywood and all of the crazies out there. He will keep his allegiance with Hollywood. So I say to our fickle country... I give it four years... We will be calling for his butt in four years and no one will care if he is black, green or hot pink. Republican or democrat it doesnt matter. He wont make good on his promises and we will soon be shocked to know we have been had but another politician. So Mr. Obama. Enjoy your celebrity status and stop comparing your self to Lincoln because Lincoln acted on his words and seeing how you havent even been in office one day you have lots of promises to live up to!

things I didnt learn in college...

2009-01-15T20:24:00.000-08:00

I never learned that I would get snow days from a job!
I never learned the world was so cruel.
I never learned networking is so valuable.
I never learned some agencies cant get over stuff and get along.
I never learned you would get a Christmas bonus from a non-profit!
I never learned bills come so fast.
I never learned you would have to give up things you love.
I never learned how to contain your emotions while talking with clients.
I never learned to give up on someone.
I never learned that just because your young doesnt mean you cant change the world
I never learned to ever let someone tell me you can do that.
I never learned to give up. Strive to see every kid saved, every adult given hope, and every teen a chance!

Thank goodness for the stuff I didnt learn!

this is it.

2009-01-09T20:34:00.000-08:00

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.
John Quincy Adams

what a great quote! I have always wanted to do this for everyone I have worked with but I would have never considered the feeling of wanted to see people better off as a leader. I consider it an advocate, a voice, and hope. What a huge respondsibilty to be able to inspire others. Not quite sure if I have done it, but I know I have found a quote that gives me something to shoot for! Thank you John Quincy Adams for inspiring me... you truly were a leader!

Hoots '09

2009-01-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

In 2009...

2008-12-31T14:30:00.000-08:00

Im gonna change the world.
Im gonna run the Chicago marathon
Im gonna live my life with passion.
Im gonna refuse to get burnout
Im gonna stay out of the blotter
Im gonna start a college fund for JJ
Im gonna start a group for teen boys.
Im gonna ride my bike to the end of the earth
Im gonna refuse to give up
Im gonna vote for mayor of kankakee
Im gonna watch my Illini go to the NCAA tourney
Im gonna gain weight in pure muscle
Im gonna go camping.
Im gonna make new friends
Im gonna shower those less fortunate than me with love and acceptance.
Im gonna live the dream.
Im gonna volunteer.
Im gonna leave this world better then I found it!

2009... Here I come!!

week of change.

2008-11-27T20:28:00.000-08:00

well. the time has finally come... i have found a place in Kankakee and I will be livin' the dream in the K-thrilla from now on. I havent even left my house yet and i am already home sick.. lol. I have learned so much lately and I am trying to be as teachable as possible because its worth it to learn by listening instead of experience....

I am really loving the job and I feel like I am beginning to make an impact. it so sad to know why people are in our building and my heart breaks in to so many pieces every week when this tiny little one walks past my office. it makes me angry too.. it makes me want to shoot every man and women who does this to people. it makes me want to take every convicted sex offender to Niagara falls toss them over and say a prayer for their souls. it doesnt seem fair for someone so small and innocent to have to go through counseling because of someone else selfishness. i know most offenders have been victims at once but that means we need to do something to stop the cycle. it wont ever end til we stand up and say NO MORE! ugh. ok... see... its thanksgiving and i am still ranting and raving.

i am so thankful for my job. I am thankful to be able to make in impact in any way i can. I am thankful for a loving family who never took advantage of eachother. I am thankful for supportive friends. God is good. Life is grand.

why do some people...

2008-11-23T23:20:00.000-08:00

like they dont have enough business of their own they gotta go mindin' mine...

silly.

thankful for...

2008-11-21T22:00:00.002-08:00

my parents, my God, my friends, the CRC, Ron, Davey, Pete, Denise, Alex, Annalise, Kristin, my brothers, sister-in-laws, freedom, nephew, nieces, a car, a job, hope, friends, supporters, family, health, opportunities, college degree, no more school, miracles, Serae, JJ, laughing, Andrea, money, warm bed, privilege, heros, mentors, examples, parents who made me finish, lessons learned, KC-CASA, new friends, old ones, chance to work with people, jan, houston, Kankakee, the past, the future, the present. cheap gas, Ashley, CASA, New Life, Nelly, Johnny, Pastor, Christie, Michelle, Omar. Social work, Olivet, Mr. Fuller, my mom. karma, my new bike, basketball, soccer, a voice, songs, my wife (someday), Matt, Bric and Suzan. did i mention the CRC. my kids, Michael, jobs, cash, helping people. seeing smiles, feeling hurt. being thankful.

i cant even think of any more all i know is everyday i wake up I am more privledged and blessed. i refuse to forget all i have and all i get to see and be involved in everyday. i am blessed beyond belief. no doubt.

overwhelmed.

thankful

2008-11-21T22:00:00.001-08:00

if only...

2008-11-18T13:15:00.000-08:00

we could have another president like this...

Dear Madam,

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A Lincoln.

A letter written to a mother who lost her 5 sons in battle by Lincoln... Truly one of our greatest presidents.

still a kid.

2008-11-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

i love acting like a kid... i figured i had done it for so long why change...

you know your still a kid when your whole mouth is blue all day from a gumball

you know your still a kid when you walk along any curb you can find like a balance beam

you know your still a kid when it takes all you can do to pay attention in church

you know your still a kid when you cant keep your shoes tied

you know your still a kid when you get the newspaper for the cartoons.

you know your still a kid when you manage to get your clothes dirty within minutes of starting your day! ughhh... my worst problem..

you know your still a kid when you relate better with kids!

you know your still a kid when your still fascinated by glow in the dark stuff

you know your still a kid when you can act like one and still be respected by adults!

you know your still a kid when you live the dream everyday!

I will forever be a kid and prolly live a lot longer because of the stress freeness.... : )

Try it! Its fun!

we will see.

2008-11-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

Just pray.

Planting seeds of hope, harvesting fields of changed lives.

you got my heart little girl

2008-10-28T14:16:00.000-07:00

So I was able to go spend some time with the sweetest little girl in the whole world. Serae Jackson is nothing short of a miracle. No other word describes her. I have seen one other miracle in my life and Serae is the second. It was such a good feeling to hold her and know God is still in control. We often look at the world around us falling apart, going so many different directions, and so many people losing hope but seeing this little baby gives me hope that what me and all my social work buddies are doing is paying off. Serae has doesn’t know her story but her mom does, her grandma does, and hundreds of others who prayed for her do. What a princess… the closest feeling I have ever felt to pure love. I teased on my way out that I would bring my child support check next week… but until there is a father in that young girls life who will look out for it then that’s what I will do.

The plan is to see her once a month. As it goes now and how much I have thought about her all day I might make it every other week. : ) I cant wait till she gets bigger and we can go to Culver's and get ice cream!!

: )

THANK YOU to all my awesome friends for the support… I could NOT have done this without you!

Planting seeds of hope, harvesting fields of changed lives…

it takes a village,

2008-10-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

to raise a child.

i have been thinking a lot about "community" not the actual buildings, houses, or businesses but the people. some communities have reputations, good or bad. corrupt or doing right. snobby or friendly. community has been what my life have been all about the past few years. the opportunities of a community. the love of a community. the learning in a community. tonite i was at a benefit for a sweet little girl named Timber who has leukemia. i was invited after letting them use my sign for advertising which was the least i could do. the "community" at this event was so inspiring. the eclectic group of people made me realize when someone is in need people will come from any background to help. thats a community. even though many traveled very far or were strangers to nearly everyone i felt like i was involved in something, everyone felt like that. thats a great feeling.... community.

theres no I in community, wait.. yes there is... theres no ME in community.

find a community of your own. get involved. change the world. you will never regret it!

i dunno...

2008-10-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

i am a little skeptical about mrs. palin. i dunno about this lady. i already voted for someone just because they were conservative and i regretted that! it makes me chuckle to see conservatives swoon over the mccain ticket just because he played his cards right knowing that he would get votes if he added sarah to his campaign....

this in no way means i am voting the other way. so dont judge me those who judge as a part time job... i am thinking out blog. not out loud. out blog.

who am i gonna vote for?? i will follow my dads example. i aint telling... maybe cuz he knew no one would agree... wait... that means my dad might be a democrat! i could never know!

i hope he reads this... cuz if he does and i show up missing this weekend... you might want to look in the cornfield behind our house!

the last one...

2008-10-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

dave always told me... "you will learn to say no soon" i really enjoy being involved in lots of agencies and different events but after this weekend i learned i am gonna get burn out soon. its great to work and volunteer in tons of different areas but i did all of those things when i was in college and without any full time job. now that i have that i have been trying to balance both.... after sunday i am realizing its not gonna work. i spent all day sunday on the couch passed out and having no motivation at all. i dont normally do that.. ok i mean i do lay on my couch a lot but i dont sleep for several hours and stare at the wall in my own little world for hours. i love the life i live. its great to see the rewards of helping people and meeting new people! but there has to come a time in each one of our lives where you just say i need this for me. i got there this weekend. i am volunteering for CASA now which is going to be very time conusming but i do feel like i will make an impact on a childs life who needs it. so i am gonna stick with it... but after that i am gonna take a break. i cant start a week knowing every nite is gone for the rest of the week.... dont get me wrong... i am not complaining at all cuz i realize i did get myself into all of this but i am writing this so i can go back and look at this blog and know how i was feeling when i was overwhelmed! : ) you have all been where i am i am sure just feel good to write it out sometime....

still.... livin the dream!

im the lucky one.

2008-10-16T17:34:00.000-07:00

i love my blog cuz i can say what i want and no one can stop me. ha

today i was honored, stunned, and overwhelmed to say the least to get an award from the CRC!

Stevie, one of our kids said all kinds of nice things that i thought he was saying to someone else and the person i was thinking deserved all the nice words to. the last line of the "speech" said "but most of all in our eyes, we know that Eric Hoots is a great success at bringing out the best in us." and the first thing that came to mind was it was the other way around... the CRC... the kids there, the people who are involved in running it, and the supporters of it are the ones who have changed my life. when i found the CRC i was lost. i was discouraged, heartbroken and needing a place to make me smile the moment i walked in the doors i knew i found the place. so here is what the community resource center is to me...

its a place where i feel loved and appreciated
its a place where i have found two of my best friends
its a place that allows me to make mistakes and then teach me what i did wrong
its a place that lets me build relationships with amazing kids.
its a place that helps me meet people in our community and be involved
its the place that developed my passion for helping others.
its the place that helped me work on my jump shot... that is still awful
its the place that allowed me to be me.
its the place that made me look forward to 4 and to getting my kids off the bus.
its the place that taught me how to learn all aspects of social work
its the place where i found the two greatest mentors that respect me and have given me so much
its the place the brings out the best in ME...

so blog readers from the CRC... I am the lucky one. I could never thank you enough for the passion, acceptance, and love you have shown me from day one. i could never say thank you enough for the memories and the laughs. i never wanted to leave and if i could live off an hour and a half salary everyday... i would be there! so thank you for the honor and surprise... and thanks for just being there for me.

CRC 4 life. check!

life is like...

2008-10-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

i had the awesome opportunity to take my beautiful orange bike all over the city this weekend following the runners participating in the marathon. 26.2 miles of running on city streets has got to take a toll on anyones body. i was able to stand along a cheer, encourage, scream, and i even rub some lady's calf who cramped up right in front of me. at that point i realized that life is like a marathon....

in the marathon of life we run and run. sometimes we even walk or stumble and some even quit. we run through the challenges, the hills, the rough patches in the road, through the crowds. on this run of life we see many things. we see the course ahead and when i was a freshman in college i think it was the first time i felt overwhelmed and thought that part of my life would never end. now i am just starting my first month of a being in the real world and i feel as if retirement will never come. not only have i looked at the course but i remember the people around. the ones on the sidelines. the encouragers, the discouragers, or the ones who just watch. i can remember some of the encouragers on my life. mr. fuller is the first one who comes to mind. my friend adam. jan and houston. kristin. my parents. ron and dave. the list goes on and on. i also look back in the distance and see the discouragers. the ones who questioned my passions. the ones who thought the only way i could serve was in the church. the ones who said a loud mouth ADD kid would never make it. i also see the ones who never said anything, the ones who stand and stare or offer nothing. the race of life is tough. theres lots of hills and valleys, the times where the streets are lined with screaming fans. the times where the course is vacant and you swear you are all alone. i love this race. i would never ever take back anything.... overall my course as been gold paved streets. i am priviledged to be raised by amazing parents who gave all for their kids. i now have a college degree that so many people in this country and world would die to have. i have a job which are few and far between in our present time and i have the ultimate gift... the opportunity to impact others. the chance to help cheer on another. to rub out the "cramps" of life. to encourage the people who are right around the corner but cant quite see the finish line. what a great opportunity! and i plan to take advantage of it everyday!

as i watched the race yesterday i got chills and even teared up thinking about all the time and passion these people had put into this and i couldnt help but be so proud of everyone of the races. even the ones who didnt finish. i felt so good as i stood at the 26 mile marker and i would see someone walking and looking abosolutely spent and i had a part in to encouraging them to finish strong and then they would start to run again. that made me feel great and to think that i meet so many people who are walking, crawling or even planning to sit down and on the race of life and i am able to encourage them, give them hope, and see them start to walk again or sometimes even jog. what a life! i love it!

keep running....

i wish you could feel my stomach.

2008-10-06T19:48:00.000-07:00

you ever get that feeling of extreme contentment? like when you accomplished a lot in one day and you know your going to sleep like a baby! i love that feeling and i have it almost everyday.

today was great. i felt the feeling of being a real advocate today. it such a great feeling to give someone a little hope! a little encouragement.... right at the point in their life when they feel like its falling apart. theres nothing like hearing a smile over the phone. and theres nothing like getting other people involved in helping others too!

social work is great.

Oh and i got to finally paint my office. the walls are no longer pink.

lets start the movement...

2008-10-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

i am with you on the movement. lets start it and watch it grow. taking true, unadulterated love to new heights and depths. love never expecting anything in return. passion that sees change. heart that is so contagious millions follow. light that permeates the darkness of our society and demands change. hope that sends a message of acceptance! i am in. if your reading this and you get the same feeling down deep in your heart that just longs to see this world be better because you poured your life into others than you should join too!

i got a job to do. i cant do it for anyone else the only thing i can do is show people how easy it can be to impact a life.... just a smile can change a persons day.

ugh. we have got so much potential and how many of us arent using it! nothing in life can be wasted more than a talent.

ok goodnite. ha

cubs are awful.

2008-10-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

my post has nothing to do with that i just had to get it out.

its been a great week! i love the job. i am finding its consuming my mind and i should prolly be careful or else i will get burnout in a few weeks. i guess i struggle with the people just being selfish and having no consideration of the feelings of others. kinda gets old.

i do think i have found my next job. i am going to start working towards being a probation officer. kc-casa is going to teach me so much. the court system is a great place to be. you see everything. judges, cops, probation, lawyers, states attorneys, innocent people, guilty people, people who just did something stupid, and people that if you had half the chance you would throw them out a 3rd floor window for what they have done. i have learned so much. my supervisor and my co-worker are great. they help me learn and genuinely dont mind helping me. which makes it so much easier to learn and learn quickly.

i was able to get back in contact with the kid i am mentoring which is great and i get to see him this weekend! life is grand. everyday just makes me more thankful for the amazing life i get to live everyday and so thankful i was raised in a good home and didnt have to worry about some of the stuff these kids have to see. hopefully i can offer them just a taste of all the blessings i have had.

livin the dream.

Life isn't fair and I dont care what anyone says.

2008-10-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

when some sick old man steals the innocence of a little girl because he cant satisfy himself any other way i would say that life is not fair.

its tough. get a helmet and some mase.

overwhelmed.

Maybe we should think twice?!?!?

2008-09-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

I was interviewed for the newspaper this week on what i thought about the debates. I strictly answered that question... the debates. I thought that Obama did a better job and spoke of his intentions clearly, I felt like McCain attacked Obama and should have just stuck to the issues. I am still undecided but after seeing this video and now and the prowl to find out more information I might have made my choice. If this video is true... and I WILL find out his voting record on this bills then I dont care if Mickey Mouse runs for president I will not vote for a murderer. And who ever reads the blog. Christian or atheist, my friend or enemy, conservative or liberal if you knowingly vote for someone who votes directly against saving young lives, breathing, outside of the womb... They need to be punished. Scott Peterson who was convicted of killing his wife and UNBORN baby is sitting on death row for TWO counts of murder. I think if someone passes and votes on such bills that gives power to nurses and doctors to do this kind of horrible acts should but on death row with Peterson. Watch this video... dont be a typical American and just believe what you see... research. dig in and find out if this what you will be supporting.

Exercise your right to vote by informing yourself and making the best choice for your future AND your childrens future. Some of the choices made in this election I beleive will affect our country for many, many years.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIdbYjmbFzo

2008-09-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

"Our lives begin to end the day we grow silent about the things that matter" ~MLK Jr.

This quote sums up my feelings from the previous post. This and what Ron said.

I was thinking about how some people sleep. I mean I sleep like a rock I put in my time all day livin the dream. I work hard. Play harder. But sometimes I think about those who do horrible things to others or animals or to themselves and wonder how they sleep.

OK take for instance. How does a grandpa who takes advantage of his granddaughter sleep at night?? Or the person who committed a murder but slipped through the cracks sleep? Or a car salesman who rips people off knowing the car is complete crap but still sells it to the single mom with three kids? Its sad how people like that are able to sleep but then you have the single Mom who puts her all into her children and will forever have bags under her eyes. Or the Pastor who strives to see something happen in his "Jerusalem" but his children have less so he can do it. Or the detective who has to tell a family their son was killed innocently by gang crossfire.

Its a strange world and society we live in. Seems all kinda unfair. Plenty for me to strive for to change!! I dunno why more people don't become social workers. Not like your ever gonna run out of work... you might not get paid but there will always be work!

Live the dream... Help someone!

out numbered? i dont care i am still gonna blog about it!

2008-09-25T21:27:00.000-07:00

first. just because an issue is not talk about on a regular basis by our so called "future" of america does not mean its not an issue. its kinda like one of those conversations you never want to have with someone so you never bring it up or even say anything remotely close to the issue just so there is no chance that you might have to talk about it.

second. there is something we can do about abortion. I did. try it! if your content enough to sit back in your nazarene/christian/sheltered/religious bubble and NOT do anything about then the blood of everyone of those innocent lives will be on your hands. good luck explaining that someday.

"Oh Hi God, yeah i know what you said about life and how precious it is to you, but ya know... it just wasnt worth it to care about it anymore cuz you know what was one person like me gonna do."

Let me tell you a story. I met with a girl. who had just found out she was pregnant. she had one choice and one choice only. abortion. her mother decided that was what was best for her and there were no other options. well. i thought to myself there is nothing i can do about this so i sat back and didnt say anything. i thought this issue will never change so theres no reason to fight it. she got the abortion and now she live a life of depression and guilt.......... ok that was a lie after the point of i thought there was nothing i could do about it..... ready for the real story. she found out she was pregnant. she had no other option other than abortion. so i gave her the address to a pass pregnancy center, a bus schedule and perfect directions how to get there JUST incase she ever felt the need to go and make a different choice. then i prayed.. and i enlisted an army to pray. pretty soon hundreds if not thousands of people were praying for ONE life. guess what... she went to the pregnacy center the day before her planned abortion appointment and she is due the 25th of october. we just threw an amazing baby shower for her and the people who were there can attest to this. her mother. the same lady who said there is NO other option. that she had to have the abortion stood up and said.... "you have changed my mind." ................ now you tell me that you CANT do anything about or maybe... just maybe ... you DONT want to do anything about it.....

in a few short years when women are waiting til the babies whole body is born except their big toe and they decide... "you know what. i really wanted a girl... not a boy... we will try again...." and a needle is stuck into the soft spot of that innocent life and acid rushes through it tiny brain and burns it to shreads all because its no longer an issue to you cuz you cant do anything about it... i really hope you think about these days when you gave up!

i am here to tell you. you wont see me giving up. I have got one precious life being born in just a few weeks because i refused to say... "its not use, its never gonna change."

an office?

2008-09-22T22:41:00.000-07:00

i am laying in bed. completely in awe of how blessed i am.

i have so much. a family who loves and supports me.
friends who look out for me and accept me. : )
two bosses that mentor me and have become my best friends!
i have 20 kids who dont like to do homework, like to punch me when i am not looking and who mean the world to me.
i have a job, and yes... it doesnt pay much but i would take 1 dollar an hour if i knew ONE young life was re-directed or changed. its addicting to help people... try it sometime!
i have a diploma, which i dont deserve but somehow i got it.
i have a car, a house, a bed, a computer, blankets, electricity, money.

seriously what else is there....

oh. and now. i have an office!
its pink, it has a window, a big chair that leans back perfectly so you can put your feet up. and a printer! WOW its the simple things!

count your blessings... i bet you will run out of fingers and have to use your toes.

our private parts....

2008-09-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

first. i cant sleep cuz i have done nothing all day and i havent had anything to wear me out....

second. i am at a conference and dave and i heard this awesome speaker who had a passion for what he talked about. he had so many little quotes. the one that just struck me so hard was the question whats your bodys most private part. well obviously working with sexual assualt victims the first thing that jumped into my mind was ya know "private parts" (do we have to talk about it??) but some lady in a quiet voice said "your brain" the speaker got all excited because most people dont think about that as our private parts. the speaker went on to talk about how many kids were "mentally raped" by our society... our schools, the things we see on TV, advertising, internet, crap in books about different theories. i never thought about his before. who knows how many times my mind has been abused by an over zealous KCC professor who needs to get fired, how many times do kids come home from school confused and lost because their teachers talk about nonsense. i know we dont all work in social work or work with kids all the time but maybe its good food for thought... lets not be mind abusers. teach kids the facts. eventhough it might be a little awkward to say certian things or uncomfortable i would much rather a 7th grader hear about porn and its horrible affects on families and thier life than the porn industry getting ahold of them. i would much rather a young man hear about how to treat his girlfriend then the rap industy letting them know how to treat them. i would much rather talk explain homosexuallity to a younger person who is confused than some new age book telling them details they prolly shouldnt know. we have a responsiblity. a choice. a priviledge. if you work with kids, you have kids, your around kids. take the time. they will thank you for it someday and it much better to hear the truth than be "mentally raped" and abused by the world.

thats all....

livin' the dream... continued.

2008-09-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

laying in a hotel room for hours on end with nothing to do is.. livin the dream.
swimming in a pool dave peed in is... livin the dream
watching youtube videos and listening to dave singing "take a bow" is livin the dream.
enjoying your last week before having a "real" job is livin the dream!

2008-09-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

POISON IVY IS RAVAGING MY BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

make it stop.

great day...

2008-09-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

the shower is over and was a huge success! we were able to give JJ so much and she was so thankful! its a great feeling to give someone else a smile or a glimmer of hope when they might feel defeated. I really feel like we were able to do that today for JJ and her mom. Her mom who was opposed to keeping the baby said "I gotta say Eric, you have changed my mind about people and i need to say thank you for that." how awesome. we as a group were able to give hope, save ONE life and make a difference all because of our actions. we didnt have to say anthing. we just showed love, we reached out past our comfort zone and made such a huge impression on JJ and her family!

thank you. thank you. for all who attended, prayed, bought gifts, wrote cards, and donated. i cant say thank you enough.

i'm the lucky one.

2008-09-12T22:15:00.000-07:00

so today is the big day. the day we have been waiting for. J.J. to come see us and meet us for months!! were going to literally shower her with gifts and encouragment! she amazing. she become a hero to me. i am so lucky to see a life redirected because i was in the right place at the right time. i am a broken, worn out vessel that God chose to fill up and pour out. I am so excited to see JJ and her mom. Its going to be simply amazing!

thanks for all the support!

time flies.

2008-09-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

its crazy to think its been 7 years from that awful day where so many lives were lost and families were torn apart. i have been working at manteno middle school all week and its strange to look back and see how much our lives changed after that day. i will never forget watching the second plane run into the tower live. i will never forget hearing cuss words from reporters not bleeped out cuz everyone was starring in disbelief. i will never forget wanting to get home as soon as i could cuz i felt safe there. BUT i will also never forget seeing the millions flock to our GOD. i will never forget how proud we still were to be americans. i will never forget seeing a flag on every house. i will never forget the chants of USA USA around president bush as he tried to rally resuce workers at ground zero. time flies. but we will never forget.

support our troops!

2008-09-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

chello,

well i officially dont start my new position til the 29th. but i am doing some community education on staying away from strangers and internet safety to kids in schools. its fun. i also got some poison ivy or something attacking my body and my face at the present moment. its been interesting to watch my eyes swell up and me wanting to gouge them out with a stick! lifes good other than that. lots of opportunities coming up, lots of potential.

i also just got pre-approved for a loan this week which means i am going to start looking to buy a house. pray for wisdom. when i get a house. were gonna have a house warming party.... actually a house warming dance party. boo ya!

love love!

if your reading leave a comment dont just stalk me without me know it.

the dream.

2008-09-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

helping people is "livin the dream"
watching people change is "livin the dream"
donating your time to anything and everything you can is "livin the dream"
going back to your alma mater on a weekly basis is "livin the dream"
seeing your parents proud of you is "livin the dream"
getting Chinese delivered on a rainy nite is "livin the dream"
watching office season 4 twice in one week is "livin the dream"
playing golf for free with retired old men is "livin the dream"
graduating from jr. high, high school, and college by the skin of your teeth is "livin the dream"
buying dress clothes for the real world for dirt cheap is "livin the dream"
going to see a race and sitting in expensive seats for FREE is "livin the dream"
leaving the world better than when you found it is......

livin the dream. everyday!

what a day.

2008-09-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

i stayed up til 4 am for no apparent reason last nite and I had to be up and out of the house at 7. needless to say i set my alarm for pm instead of am... so i woke up in a frantic at 8 and sprinted out the door at 8:08. i caddied for a bunch of ladies all day who had no clue how to play golf. then i was able to go out and play a nine with a guy i had met there. it was a great morning and afternoon. then it was off to the CRC then shopping for 'real" job clothes.... i got some amazing deals!!!! God def had a hand in helping me find some sweet deals! now. i am home, blogging on a friday nite and i have never been happier.

what an emotional week... i got a job. i cried. i got a myspace message. i cried. haha what a sad, crazy, insane, roller coaster life. I got a job at KC CASA but the hours will conflict with my hours at the community resource center which means i will not be able to be at the resource center everyday. my love for the CRC goes beyond any love i have. its my life. its become my passion. my best friends work there with me. my kids are there. i love the CRC and the thought of not meeting 10 screaming kids running off the bus everyday breaks my heart. the thought of not giving the kids lines to write when they disobey so i can stash them in my secret drawer to show them later makes me sad. to not see my best friend dave everyday and my mentor ron hurts too. i am still gonna be a volunteer and i am pretty sure i will be there the same amount as i am now but just the thought of missing one day is not cool. needless to say i bawled my eyes out because all these thoughts rushed through my mind at once. overwhelmed me. broke me. now i am all better i have realized i have to pay the bills and then sprint to the CRC and let out all my energy!

second. i got asked to be a godfather of a baby that GOD, me and my friends had a huge roll in saving. i once again broke down after reading the message for the 20th time. what an opportunity! what a great way to how God has made himself known in our lives. how awesome to keep in touch with this baby. to hopefully see this baby and his/her mother see the God who created them and has sustained them! God is good. I am blessed beyond belief. wow. wow. wow!

hope everyone has a good weekend!

"use everyday to make the world better!"

Dont want to be a downer, but our society is messed up!

2008-09-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

have you ever listened to a story about someone breaking their arm or snapping their leg and it makes you almost throw up everywhere?? sorry to be so graphic, but there is no way to describe how i feel as i sit in court and hear stories of people who take advantage of children, women, men, or the elderly for their own sexual gratification. so many times abusers were once victims.... which makes this vicious circle sad. its hard to sit around perpetrators and not be angry for the horrible affect they have had on their victims. for the next couple years i will be working in the "justice" system to help victims follow their court cases. to encourage them NOT to drop the case just because our "justice" system allows us to drag out cases for 3, 4, 5 sometimes 6 years! who wouldnt want to drop a case after you have to hear the most traumatic experience of your life played over and over and over. I will be reaching out to young men to encourage them to rise above what our society has encouraged them how to look at women. God has given me an huge opportunity to be a light. a light that as Kristin would say doesnt have to move. a light that gives hope to darkness, life to death, to be a simple candle to light up a room of absolute darkness. i am excited about my opportunity to help and bring a mans prospective to this part of our society so often ignored by men. pray for my time their that i might be a light and a witness of the Hope we all find one way or another!

love love

Short but sweet.

2008-08-07T22:38:00.000-07:00

its been a day. what a busy summer. between mentoring and working at the Kankakee Community Resource Center life is busy. i want this blog to be a venting source for me and hopefully a place for my friends and family to see whats up in my life. looking forward to getting some readers. leave some comments. love it.